Seven Years
by thecosmicwind
Summary: Seven years. That's how long it's been since Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler were together. When the date indicates that it's been seven years since she last saw him, Olivia reflects on their twelve years of partnership, visiting the good and the bad memories. Even though it's been seven long years, she misses him more than anything. Rated T. ADDED A SECOND PART: 'YEAR SEVEN'
1. Seven Years

**Hello everyone!**

 **So, I started writing this one-shot back in May but I never finished it at the time. Well now, here I am and I've finished it.**

 **It's been seven years without Elliot Stabler. Olivia is reflecting on the memories - the good and the bad - of their 12 year partnership. Even though it's been seven years, she still misses him terribly.**

 **Flashbacks are in italics!**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

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 **Seven Years [ONESHOT]**

 **Olivia's P.O.V.**

 _May 17, 2018._

The date on my computer captures my attention; I freeze mid type, pausing from finishing an email to my bosses at One Police Plaza. I hadn't realized the date all day, but for some reason, my gaze has flickered to the corner of my computer screen and now I was realizing it. I've been feeling a little depressed throughout the day but continued to attribute those feelings to being tired considering we've been working for the last three days to close an abduction-rape case. However, now I know that these feelings run deeper than I have realized. I know the body reacts differently to trauma and that our body clocks are more prone to tell when we are growing closer to dates of significance in our lives – whether good or bad. It seems that my body clock knows exactly what today is and has released a slew of sad emotions to wash over me today.

 _May 17._

Today, it has been seven years since I last saw _him._

I try to not to think about him too much anymore. Though it has been seven years, I still have those moments where if I think about him for too long, I can feel an actual pain shoot through my chest as if a knife is being plunged into my heart. I have not been angry with him for years now; the anger dissipated after about year three and turned to just sadness and longing. I long to know where he is and what he is doing. Some days, I have found myself driving towards the bridge to go into Queens, to see if maybe he is still at the marital home he shares with his wife. Hell, I wonder if he is even still married. I wonder how the children are doing, especially little Eli, whom – up until he cut me out of his life – I seemed to have a great relationship with as I was his _'Auntie Livie'._

I just wonder what my old partner is up to.

I removed the black rimmed glasses from my eyes and place them onto the desk. I then place my head in my hands, massaging my temples. I am grateful for the fact that the door to my office is closed and the blinds are closed. The last thing I need is for my detectives to look into this room and wonder if I am alright. I certainly do not need them to come in here and ask the question because honestly, now that I know the date, I have no idea if I even am okay.

I close my eyes, reflecting on the years I spent with him by my side – the ups and the downs. Memories begin to hit me like waves crashing angrily against a shoreline. I remember when I first met him;

" _Ah, Detective Benson – meet your new partner." My captain, Donald Cragen, gestures for me to follow him. With a heavy box in my arms – the things from my desk at my old precinct – I eagerly follow him across the squad room. I have already met the older male detective, John Munch, the quirky and fun female detective, Monique Jeffries, and the laid back yet kind of funny detective, Brian Cassidy. However, it was clear that my partner was not any of these individuals, but a tall, strong man whom was standing beside the coffee machine._

" _Detective," Cragen's voice causes the man to look up, and I am immediately swept away by the brightest blue eyes ever, "This is your new partner, Detective Olivia Benson; Detective Benson, this is Elliot Stabler, your partner."_

" _Pleased to meet you." He speaks as he sticks his hand out. I grasp his hand and give it a firm shake; I feel the electricity shoot between us. His voice is rough yet warm, a feeling of safety instantly closes around me as I stand in his presence._

 _Little did I know, how important this man would become to me…_

I remember one of the first times he comforted me;

 _I stand in the funeral home, looking around at former students and colleagues of my mother. Tears brim in my eyes as I look at the grey casket covered in flowers and a picture of her. I feel hurt and sad; she died because she drunkenly fell down a flight of stairs, and all this time, I thought she had gotten her alcoholism under control._

 _Addiction is one hell of a sickness, clearly._

 _I feel a presence behind me, soon followed by a warm hand on my back. I don't even have to turn around right away; I already know who it is._

" _Anything I can do for you?" his voice is gentle, is tone full of concern._

 _I look up at him, my browns melting into his blues. I shake my head, taking a deep breath before looking up at him and uttering;_

" _I feel like such an idiot."_

" _Don't," his voice his firm, yet still laced with concern as a calloused hand gently rubs up and down my back and to my neck, "Listen, if you need to talk later, I'm here for you."_

 _Words fail me; I cannot find anything else to say as tears slip down my cheeks. As he pulls me to him and I wrap my arms around his middle, I come to realize that I am alone, literally now considering I have no family. Sensing this, I feel a pair of lips softly kiss my temple and a voice whisper;_

" _I'm always here, Liv; partners forever, I got you."_

I remember the night in my apartment, seeing him break for the first time over his marriage;

" _I just don't get it, Liv; she just walked away – twenty years and she threw it away," he was shaking his head as he relaxed on my sofa, "Twenty fucking years, how the hell – what the hell – I'm a shitty husband."_

" _Hey, don't you dare say that," I immediately place a hand on his knee, "Elliot, not many people can handle what we see everyday so I understand you not taking your work home with you, but you did the best you could; don't ever say you're a shitty husband."_

" _Clearly I did something wrong; she left and took my reasons for getting up everyday." He was broken, sitting up to rest his elbows on his knees as he held his hand in his head._

" _Elliot, maybe you two just need time to work it out," I place a hand on his shoulder now, "Give her a couple days, then you two should talk – see if you can work something out."_

 _I was pushing aside the strange feelings that were stirring within me. I had always fought for Elliot's marriage more than he did, and I refuse to let him give up now._

 _I watch as a couple tears drip down his cheeks; he sniffles as he looks at the ground. I rub my hand up and down his back, before being taken aback when he turns to me and puts his hand on my shoulder._

" _How could she just go like this, Liv? I just want things to be alright and not feel like such a screw up."_

 _And with that, my partner began sobbing on my shoulder. I hold him, little tears slipping down my own cheeks. My heart breaks seeing him so broken. I simply press a light kiss to his temple, whispering to him the words he whispered to me a few years earlier;_

" _I'm always here, Elliot; partners forever, I've got you."_

Little tears have filled my eyes, especially as the memory of the case that changed our whole partnership hits me like a wave;

 _The bus station is crowded, but I am running with Elliot not far behind. We get separated in the crowd, but I see the bastard, Gitano; we've been looking for him all day. He is holding one of the children we are looking for – the little girl - and I just hope I can get a shot to take him down without harming the innocent child._

 _I glance around; I see the little boy we are looking for but I can also see Elliot trying to get to him. I direct my attention back to the bastard we are trying to take down, getting as close to him as possible. With my gun drawn and ready to take a shot, I shout;_

" _Freeze!"_

 _What happens next is a blur, a chaotic mess. He turns around; the little girl is being used as a shield. I hear the click of a knife, the blade gleams in the light. I cannot get a shot and his arm swings. Pain shoots through me, the force of what has happened knocks me over. I fall to the ground in a flash, my hand is on my neck as blood seeps from the gash. There is chaos all around us, but amongst the screams and sounds of shoes thudding against the marble floors as passengers run every which way, I can hear his voice;_

" _Move…Olivia!"_

 _He's hovering over me in a flash, grabbing my coat as he mutters;_ _"Oh my God…no…no."_

 _I tell him that I'm okay and tell him to go, that I'll be fine. Unfortunately, when he reaches the top of the stairs, Gitano has slit the little boy's throat and left him bleeding on the pavement before taking off with the girl. I had no idea how effected both me and Elliot were, but especially Elliot. However, things came to a head later when we were in the precinct. Emotions were running high and our tempers had flared up._

" _Hey…you got something to say to me? If so, let's hear it!"_

 _He storms towards me, stopping when he's about an inch away;_ _"Why didn't you shoot Gitano?"_

" _He was using the child as a shield."_

" _How could you let him get so close to you?"_

" _There were innocent civilians around, I couldn't get a shot."_

" _Well he got close and Ryan's dead."_

 _I look at him in disbelief before uttering;_ _"So this is my fault?"_

 _He starts to storm off, still shouting over his shoulder at me;_ _"I can't do this anymore; I can't be looking over my shoulder, making sure you're okay."_

 _My temper is through the roof as I storm after him, shouting;_ _"You son of a bitch, you know that's not true."_

 _And when he whirls around and utters his next words, they take me by surprise;_

" _I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue!"_

 _I want to cry, I want to punch him. I can't believe he said those words to me, and judging by the look on his face, he can't believe he said those words to me either._

Of course, Gitano hadn't been done wreaking havoc. A few hours later, when we had chased him down and cornered him in an abandoned warehouse, there was a struggle where Elliot dropped his gun and ended up with Gitano holding him hostage with a shot gun to his head. That was the moment where we were really fucked, the moment that still gives me chills to this day.

 _I raise my gun, pointing it at Gitano, trying to talk him down. Elliot is shouting for me to shoot him, telling me not to think about it and to just shoot him. However, when Gitano continues to taunt us, saying that he's gonna die and it'll be on my hands, I can't bring myself to pull that trigger. I continue to talk to him, trying to talk him down. He's a sociopath so really I know there's no use, but I just need to buy time._

 _But when he starts to taunt me, telling me that Elliot's gonna die and it'll be all my fault 'just like the little boy', I can't help the water that springs into my eyes. I try my best to keep my composure, but my body is starting to shake as guilt begins to consume me._

" _Olivia, look at me…"_

 _Elliot talks to me; my browns lock with his blues. Gitano is still talking, but my focus is on Elliot. He's telling me to take the shot, telling me not to 'make his mistake'. I wondered if he meant that saving me was a mistake, and guilt consumes me even further. But I simply utter; "I would've done the same thing" because I would have. I would've saved Elliot – for his kids, for me._

 _Elliot whispers to me that "it's alright", and I whisper that "I'm sorry"; subtly apologizing for everything, all the hell we had ever put each other through. I gaze into the blue orbs; he nods his head before closing his eyes. My finger is on the trigger, ready to squeeze._

 _The snipers intervene before I can, shooting Gitano in the head. Elliot's life is spared. I lower my weapon. We simply stand there and stare at each other for a moment. There are tears on my cheeks, Elliot's blue eyes are glistening with tears. We know this is deeper than even we realize. This went beyond the realms of the partnership._

I sigh slightly, closing my eyes at the memory. The conversation outside of little Rebecca Clifford's classroom will forever shake me to the core. Tears glisten in my eyes, I swallow as the memory swarms through my clouded mind;

" _If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would've taken that shot Olivia."_

 _I turn to him, a perplexed expression on my face;_ _"No I wouldn't have; did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?"_

" _I don't know,"_ _he sighs;_ _"I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."_

 _My voice drops to a whisper;_ _"What about me?"_

" _Look, we both chose each other over the job, we can never let that happen again, otherwise,"_ _He pauses for a second, biting his lip before continuing,_ _"Otherwise, we can't be partners."_

 _Tears come to my eyes once again, blurring my vision as I utter;_ _"I can't believe you're saying that."_

" _You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore, I don't wanna wreck that…"_

 _He looks at me briefly before standing; "_ _I couldn't take it."_

I still remember that moment, how the next day I went into Cragen's office and asked for a new partner. Elliot's words had stuck with me throughout the whole night, and by the following afternoon, I had a brief transfer to computer crimes. Elliot and I's relationship had grown complicated to say the least, but it wasn't because we had been together too long. We both knew exactly what it was, but both of us were too stubborn to admit it. For me, it had happened long before – within the third year of our partnership. I was never sure when it happened for him, I am still not sure to this day. But, it happened, and we both knew it.

And that was also why I ran away to Computer Crimes.

I remember hearing that Elliot had been temporarily partnered up with Detective Lucius Blaine from Queens Special Victims Unit. I was two floors up in the Computer Crimes Unit when the infamous altercation happened between the two of them, but I knew that it was bad considering they were both hot heads. I took a break at the time and came downstairs to check on him, only to be pointed in the direction of the locker room by Fin – after he squeezed the life out of me of course.

 _I lean against the doorway of the locker room, watching the back of my partner as he pulls on another, darker colored dress shirt. I fold my arms across my chest, waiting for him to turn around, swallowing the nerves as I quickly figure out what to say._

 _He turns around and my throat goes dry. The blues are pouring into my browns;_

" _I liked that shirt."_

" _What are you doing here?"_ _he softly asks, still buttoning his shirt. I try not to stare at his delicious looking toned body as I look up into his eyes;_

" _Heard what happened between you and Blaine."_

" _Well what can I tell ya? He's a prick."_

 _I smile a bit and nod. An awkward silence consumes us, and I am unsure of what to say. I hear his footsteps as he comes closer, the scent of his aftershave fills my nostrils and causes me to look up. There is a look in his eyes; hurt, pain, longing, confusion – everything._

" _Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _I freeze for a second, my gaze flickering all around before settling on his eyes;_

" _Elliot, we've been partners for seven years, longer than anyone else here; we needed a change…"_

 _The pain in his eyes is killing me as I continue to speak, a ball of emotion forming in my throat;_

" _I'm sorry, I should've talked to you – it was…was just too complicated."_

 _He looks into my eyes. He knows why its complicated; we both know. But we won't admit it._

" _Thanks for dropping by."_

 _And with that, he walks away._

I shake my head and run my hands through my hair, feeling the tears prick in my eyes again. I remember that time; Elliot was so upset with me and I knew I was hurting him. I returned to the unit briefly, but as soon as the Feds had an undercover operation and needed some help, I jumped at the chance. I needed some time away from New York. I needed time away from _him._ I needed to think.

I was gone for six weeks, and when I came back, we danced around each other. Our connection began to grow after one particular case. We were stepping onto an elevator and discovered we had the same blood type, randomly of course. We stood on the elevator; Elliot told me he would give me a kidney to which I replied I would do the same.

However, the case that really brought us back together, followed a he-said-she-said rape case between a divorcing couple. Elliot and I fought like cats and dogs on that case, until at four in the morning, I found myself sitting on his stoop with a cup of tea for myself and a cup of coffee for him. Our victim had died, had lied to me on her death bed – all sorts. Elliot and I reflected together, and it was then that we realized we were going to be alright.

 _The night air whips around us. It's four in the morning. The streets are quiet apart from a few cars in the distance or the distant sounds of police sirens. We're sitting next to each other on the stoop of his apartment building, holding plastic cups of warm liquid in our hands._

" _So are we okay?"_ _I ask softly, looking up at him._

" _I just…I just need space to disagree with you so it doesn't feel like it's gonna cost me our partnership."_ _He replies, glancing at me. I give a confused look; this Elliot Stabler is different from the man I once knew._

" _You've never been gun shy before."_

" _Well things change."_

 _I wonder what those things are, but I don't ask. I take a sip of my drink before responding;_

" _Well like you said; you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man,"_ _I shrug, looking around the empty street;_ _"Who else would put up with me?"_

 _He chuckles softly, nudging me slightly. I glance at my feet before asking;_ _"You hungry?"_

" _I could go for a bite, who's buying?"_

" _Well, you are going through a divorce and you have got four children, so I guess you are."_ _I smirk, knocking my knee against his. He chuckles, glancing at me as he picks up his coffee cup._

" _That's what I thought."_

Our partnership had taken the mother of all hits with Gitano and though we separated for a short time, when we came together again, our partnership seemed stronger. I smile at some of the memories, of all the times we went to bat for each other. I briefly recall the time I was in a car accident with his wife Kathy, whom was heavily pregnant at the time. I helped save her life and the life of their baby son, Eli; I was one of the first people to hold him. I still remember when Elliot hugged me after that moment, a hug that lingered for a while, one that was so full of strength. He uttered to me a simple _'you're okay'_ and from the look in his eyes, it was still there. That thing we had been trying to act like didn't exist between us was there.

Though he still to this day really didn't know the details of what happened when I was undercover at Sealview, I remember how he was supportive of my behavior in the months following the assault. We continued to dance around this thing between us; his wedding ring was the barrier and he had too much respect for me to ever have me as the other woman. I had too much respect for his marriage to ever let that happen as well.

The last couple years of our partnership consisted of happier times. The lingering glances and gentle touches had once again started, like the early years of our partnership. When we were faced with a similar Gitano situation again – only this time less intense but with the roles reversed – that was when I noticed the biggest shift between us.

 _We were chasing a perp; Rojas was his name. He manages to get to me and figure out what is going on, so he takes me hostage an holds my own gun to my head. When Elliot and the others corner us, Elliot's gun is drawn. My browns are pouring into his blues. I can tell he's trying to get a shot without hurting me, but it seems impossible. He's trying to talk him down, trying to talk him into letting me go. I try to talk him down as well, but nothing is working. I close my eyes, mentally preparing myself for the inevitable._

 _Bang! A shot rings out; Rojas and I both fall to the ground. I take a breath when I realize I wasn't shot, but I can hear Elliot in the background;_

" _Liv…Call a bus!"_

 _His strong arm is around my back and he pulls me closer to him, grabbing hold of my hand;_

" _Liv…Liv…are you hit?"_

" _No,"_ _I take a deep breath as the shock of the situation begins to wear off;_ _"No…the blood is his."_

 _Elliot cups my face and brings me closer, hugging my head into his chest. I hold onto his arm, his head is resting against my forehead. I close my eyes, allowing the feeling of safety to consume me as I relax in his arms._

It was then that I felt the shift – the big shift – in our relationship. He was married of course, and we never acted on anything, but that didn't stop him from spending time at my apartment – Friday night movies and Chinese became one of our favorite things to do. The laughter and smiles were back. There was a lot of nights we spent in the precinct, working on paperwork before we'd get bored and go up to the roof of the precinct to look out at the city. We were leaning on each other again, and I trusted him whole heartedly. He trusted me as well, more so than ever before. We continued to be the dynamic duo of the New York City Police Department. His steps fell in sync with mine. And the happiness and invincibility we felt together; it was perfect.

But then came that fateful day – May 17th, 2011.

I block the day out sometimes because I know that's when the picture of the perfect partnership shattered beyond repair. It wasn't either of our faults. We hadn't had the mother of all fights, there was no Gitano-like situation again. No; the day had been great – as great as it could be. We had gotten the perps responsible for the death of a victim that was set to testify, we thought her daughter, Jenna, was now receiving some sort of closure now that the perps were caught. She came in, saw the guys who had killed her mother, and then left and promised to call if she needed anything. I returned to my desk where Sister Peg was standing. Elliot was standing on the other side of her. We had plans to get drinks that evening – me and him.

And then, in a split second, everything changed.

 _Elliot and I are talking and joking with Sister Peg, happy that the case is closed. She is just about to leave, and me and him are gonna quickly finish the paperwork on these asshole perps who had killed Jenna's mother before we head out to get drinks. It has been an alright day really, and everything is fine._

 _Bang! A shot rings out and we both turns. Our eyes go wide; Jenna has returned with a gun and is now spraying bullets throughout the squad room, aiming for those who killed her mother. Everyone in the room practically nose dives to the ground, taking cover. Elliot and I have our guns drawn. Sister Peg stands up to try and talk to Jenna, but Jenna pulls the trigger. Sister Peg falls to the ground with a bullet wound to the chest. I scream and apply pressure, still shouting for Jenna to stop. My voice is wobbling and fear is in my eyes._

 _I can hear Elliot's voice. He's talking her down. She lowers the gun and is seemingly about to put it down._

 _But one of the perps; he taunts her, calling her a "crazy bitch" and saying he should've killed her too. She raises the gun again. Elliot and I both shout for her to put it down. Her finger moves to squeeze the trigger again._

 _Bang! Another shot rings out._

 _Jenna drops to the ground and Elliot stands up, his eyes going wide. He had fired the bullet. I watch him as he runs over to her, kicking the gun away before pulling her to him. He tries to apply pressure to her wound but it is too late. Her life slips away whilst she's in his arms. He turns his head to look at me and I look at him._

 _I know this is something that's broken him beyond repair. And what has broken him, has broken our partnership, which breaks me too._

It was a few weeks later when I found out he put his papers in. Elliot had been ignoring my calls and texts for weeks, but I wouldn't give up on him. I even went to his house, but Kathy said he refused to see anyone. I knew this had broken him beyond repair, and when he was broken, he would shut people out. He was shutting me out completely, and it was hurting me. I missed him terribly. I wanted my partner and best friend back, but he was gone.

And then, I got the heartbreaking news.

 _I have just come from court. Cragen calls me into his office. I figure it's about the case but it's not, and when he tells me to shut the door, I know it's something serious. I shut the door then look back at him. A solemn look is on his face;_

" _Elliot put his papers in."_

 _My eyes go wide. I feel like I want to faint. The ball of emotion forms in my throat, my hands shake._

" _There was nothing I could do."_

" _He's earned it."_ _I uttered. Cragen echoed my sentiments;_

" _And then some."_

 _He pauses for a second, then says to me;_ _"Do you wanna talk?"_

" _No."_ _I answer, shaking my head. The tears are in my eyes but I'm trying to keep them at bay._

" _Do you need to take a day?"_

" _I'm fine."_ _I automatically reply. I say this when I'm far from fine and Cragen knows that, but he does not push it. He knows I will talk if I want to._

" _Liv, I'm sorry."_

 _I simply nod my head before making my way back to my desk. Fin asks if I'm okay, and I reply that I am. Munch announces that we've got a call to attend to, but he glances at me then tells Fin to take our new detective, Amanda Rollins, with him. I shake my head and say I am okay to go, but to just give me five minutes. Fin nods and I turn around, wandering off down the hall towards the interrogation rooms. I need a minute to get this out, because I feel like I'm about to collapse._

 _I make my way into an empty interrogation room and close the door behind me. The floodgates open. I hold onto the table as I break into quiet sobs, thick tears slipping down my cheeks. I take a few deep breaths, trying to soothe the ache in my chest and gather some air back into my lungs. My head is spinning. The tears won't stop falling. My chest actually hurts in the place where my heart is._

 _My heart is broken. My best friend has left me without a word, and I didn't get to say goodbye._

 _Fuck; this hurts._

Tears fell down my cheeks as I shook my head to rid myself of the painful memory. The day I found out Elliot had put his papers in was the most painful day of my life. I briefly remember the _Semper Fi_ medallion and the mini badge, both of which has gotten me through some tough times. The medallion is in a box on a shelf in my closet, and the mini badge was in my closet as well, in the pocket of my police uniform. That was something I thought would be lost forever considering it was clipped to my gun and had to be taken into evidence following the situation with William Lewis. However, when I finally got back, I placed it in the pocket of my uniform for safe keeping.

I sighed. There were far too many memories floating throughout my head and I couldn't focus anymore. I quickly finished and sent the email I had been writing, before closing my laptop. It was only one in the afternoon, but it was a slow day so I had plenty of time to go for lunch and to get my head together.

I stood up and grabbed my bag and phone, before leaving out. I stopped at Fin's desk to let him know that I was taking a break for lunch, to which he nodded and squeezed my arm before turning back to his paperwork. I headed out of the squad room and took the stairs to the first floor. Once I was outside, I began to walk down the street, sighing to myself as I did so. I was walking towards the diner on the next block where Elliot and I would sometimes have lunch together.

I made my way inside and sat at our favorite booth in the back of the establishment. The familiar waitress takes my order; the normal cup of coffee with a turkey sandwich and fries. I took a deep breath, thinking to myself, wishing that I would finally run into Elliot somewhere and just have a chance to talk to him. It's been seven long years, and I still miss him terribly.

I could feel someone looking at me, so I glanced up from my phone. My eyes went wide; I blinked a couple times to assure that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. A familiar, tall figure had just entered the restaurant, and the most familiar pair of blue eyes were now staring right at me.

Blues were once again pouring into browns.

Seven was a lucky number, and maybe this seventh year was my lucky year – finally.

 _Fin._

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 ** _Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed this. Please, leave some reviews and let me know what you thought! Until next time...xoxo_**


	2. Year Seven

**Hello everyone!**

 **So...after careful consideration (and arm twisting from my lovely Twitter followers), I've decided to add a second part to this. This is the final part. Olivia and Elliot have a much needed chat.**

 **WARNING: May be triggering content, so please be careful.**

 **Enjoy xoxo**

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 **Year Seven [ONESHOT]**

 _ **Elliot's P.O.V.**_

Seven years.

Seven long years.

I hadn't expected to face the past when I walked into the diner. I came in to grab some lunch, to kill time before I had to go to the elementary school to pick up my youngest son. I wasn't expecting this, and as much as I didn't want to deal with it, there was no turning back.

Those beautiful brown eyes; they were still sparkling and looked like melted pools of chocolate. A few lines had presented themselves in her face, yet she still didn't look like she could be a day over forty. She was aging gracefully. The familiar brunette locks were lighter than he remembered and were tied back into a ponytail. A pair of reading glasses were perched on her forehead, and her hands were clasped over her mouth; a clear sign that she just as shocked as I was.

I swallowed. My hands were shaking from apprehension. The air felt still as I looked at her; it almost felt like we were the only two people in the establishment. I saw the different emotions in her eyes – sadness, anger, happiness, relief; everything. Her eyes always told exactly what she was feeling, as did his. That was the one reason why we worked so well together; we could read each other and have conversations by simply looking into each other's eyes.

And now here we were, face to face again.

A man opened the door to the establishment, bumping into me which brought me out of my thoughts. He mumbled an apology to which I acknowledged with a nod, before finally moving my legs to make my way over to her. My hands shook as I walked over, my breathing becoming uneven as I grew closer and closer to the woman I hadn't seen in seven years. She eyed me for a second before standing up. We simply stood and stared at each other for a second, both of us trying to figure out where to start. I didn't know what to say to make this right or to excuse my absence for the last seven years, and she clearly didn't know what to say to me either.

And just like that, her brow furrowed, and her lips curled into a frown. A flash of anger crossed her eyes, and before I could say anything, an open-hand slap was delivered to my jaw. My head whipped to the side and the stinging sensation became present in the side of my face. A few people were looking, but I didn't acknowledge the stares. I simply looked back at her; her chest was rising and falling and the anger in her eyes was now mixed with a hint of sadness.

"Now that I've done that, you can sit down." She spoke through gritted teeth. I nodded, swallowing before slowly sliding into the booth, sitting across from her. My cheek stung from the powerful slap; I forgot about the Benson slap and how painful the aftermath of receiving one was.

We stare at each other for a few moments, once again unsure of what to say. She's still seething in anger, staring at me with a fire in her eyes that I had only ever seen when a case got too much, and her anger had risen to the surface. Her lips were still curled into a frown, her hands were clenched into fists as she looked at me. Her chest was rising and falling quite rapidly, as if she was trying to once again gain control over her breathing. Yet, despite the obvious anger towards me, she was so beautiful. Hell, she was even more beautiful than I remembered her to be.

I would tell her how beautiful she was, once we got past this tough part right here.

"Now that I've slapped you and all that," she spoke after a few moments; "You mind telling me why the fuck you left me in the dark and went ghost for seven years? Fair enough leaving the job, but you literally haven't said shit to me in seven years? Did twelve years mean absolutely nothing to you?"

Her voice had deepened and grown huskier with age; something that I found to be so incredibly sexy. But, this wasn't the time to be thinking along such lines. She needed answers, and I planned to give them to her.

"Liv…" I paused for a second when the waitress walked up to put her food down, then ordered a coke and some fries for myself. The waitress nodded – and mentioned how nice it was to see me around again – before walking away. I focused my gaze back on the beautiful brunette woman before me; her expression has now softened a bit and she's looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes that are full of unshed tears and unanswered questions.

"Just tell me what happened." She mumbled quietly, swallowing hard.

"Before I even tell you what happened, I need you to know how sorry I am," I paused for a second, tapping my fingers against the surface of the table before looking up at her again;

"Twelve years – Olivia…fuck…that meant something to me, it meant everything to me; you gotta know that. I…I have listened to every single voice mail you left until you stopped, and I still have the old ones saved. I read every text, but I just…there's no excuses; I was a coward Olivia, and I'm sorry."

"It was me, Elliot; _me –_ the woman you spent more time with than your own family, the woman you confided in, and the woman that saved your sorry ass from the wrath of Kathy more times than I like to admit," she paused for a second, swallowing an obvious ball of emotion that was present in her throat; her voice dropped and octave, "We were best friends, Elliot; we told each other everything, saw into the darkest parts of each other's soul even when we fought like hell to hide those parts away; why the fuck couldn't you come to me?"

"It wasn't that simple, Liv," I paused, giving a smile to the waitress as she placed my fries and drink down in front of me before walking away; "It wasn't that simple…Liv, I shot a kid, a kid that was no older than my twins at the time; I saw my Lizzie and I just…it was awful, and then the nightmares about you and the kids, and-"

"Nightmares about me and the kids?" her tone was soft now, tranquil almost. For the most part, her anger had disappeared, and now she was just looking at me with concern etched across her features.

"Nightmares; some times it was Jenna when I fired, but when I ran to her, it would be Kathleen or Lizzie or Maureen; another time, it was Jenna when I fired but when I got to her, it was you; and then, other nights, it would be _you_ that she shot instead of Sister Peg, and you'd bleed out in my arms; it was just – it was a lot. And then IAB wanted to open an investigation on me because it was my sixth shooting, I needed anger management and a psych eval; it just all got too much."

I paused for a second, blinking back the water that had gathered in my eyes. I felt a smaller, soft hand rest over my own on the table; Olivia was rubbing my hand now and looking at me, encouraging me to continue. I cleared my throat, before lifting my head to meet her gaze once more.

"I was sinking, Liv; I had sunk before, but this time, I had reached a new low. I just…I couldn't take it anymore. Then there was Kathy." There's a bite in my tone that I can't bother to hide, and Olivia's eyebrow raises in confusion. I hold up my hand, taking a quick sip of my drink. Neither of us have touched our food; we needed to talk about things, and that's what the hell we were doing.

"I had made up my mind to put my papers in, and I thought it would be great to be at home, to reconnect with my family; I thought it would help me heal and then, once I healed, I would talk to you again and explain," he scoffed, "The day I came home from turning my papers in, I came home to find that Kathy had packed her things and left again; she left a note this time – she left me for one of my old Marine buddies, one that had been to my house and around my kids and was the godfather of Eli; they had apparently been having an affair for months."

"What the f-" Olivia stopped herself from swearing, and I saw that flash of anger cross her eyes again as she spoke, "I…I mean I know they say when someone is accusing you of cheating, it means they're doing it themselves, but I didn't expect that."

"Neither did I," I rolled my eyes before embarking on the more difficult parts of the last few years;

"It just got worse. She took Eli with her and filed for divorce, and older kids were doing their own thing. Lizzie and Dickie could barely stand to be around me anymore because I was drinking all the time, hardly able to be a parent to them so they just started being more independent. Used pills to help me sleep and to stop the nightmares. I didn't realize how far gone I was until one day I passed out and woke up a couple days later in the hospital. This was about four years after I left the force; so, about three years ago now. Maureen explained that she and Dickie came over to the house and found me holding my gun whilst sitting in me and Kathy's room, saying all sorts of stuff about wanting to die. I don't remember much; I can vaguely remember Dickie trying to get the gun away from me and them saying something, and then next thing I know, it's two days later and I'm waking up in the hospital."

I didn't hold her gaze whilst I told her this. It was still hard for me to talk about these dark parts of my life. I knew that Olivia would never judge me, but I still couldn't force myself to look up and see that look in her eyes, the one that she gave _victims._ I felt like she would think of someone like me to be weak for reaching such a low point, even though I knew that she would never think this way.

"El-"

I held up my hand. I needed to finish this.

"I made the decision to get clean then. I spent a year in Boston at a clinic; getting clean from the booze and pills, and to get counseling, to finally face everything I had been running from. After my treatment was completed, I spent another year up there; I worked at a school as a resource officer, and I even managed to work on my relationship with all the kids. I came back to New York about a year ago and have been living in Queens ever since, though I work as a personal trainer now. Got a small apartment in Manhattan; enough space for me and for Eli when he spends weekends with me. I've just been continuing my counseling and the AA meetings while I've been here and been working to make sure I got my head right."

I then grabbed hold of her hand, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles;

"I just had to get myself together before I came to you. I'm sorry it's taken so long, but if you'll let me, I would love to forget the past and start over – and make it right."

There were tears in her eyes, a couple had already spilled down her cheeks. Our food had gone cold as he hadn't touched it, but neither of us cared. All that mattered was that I had gotten everything on the table, and all I needed now was for Olivia to say that she would start over with me. I had prayed for this moment a lot over the last seven years, and it had taken a lot of fight and courage to get healthy and to get to this moment. Of course, I would whole heartedly respect Olivia's decision if she declined my offer to start over and make things right between us. But, it would hurt, because I truly did want her in my life again.

"No."

I opened my eyes at the sound of her voice. I squeezed her hand, trying to hide the obvious disappointment in my face. I deserved that. I had put her through so much hell, so I deserved this. She had her own life now, and I didn't exist in it. That was my own fault, so I understood. I tried to pull my hand away but grew confused when she wouldn't let go. I tried again, but she only gripped it tighter. I focused my gaze on her yet again, a confused expression etched across my face as I tried to figure out why she wouldn't let go of my hand.

"I can't start over with you," she took a deep breath, her brown eyes finally pouring into my blue ones yet again as she continued;

"I can't start over, because there's already too much of _us_ to just leavein the past. Elliot, I've known you for almost twenty years, and sure we've been apart for seven years, but that doesn't change how I feel, how much I care about you. I'm so sorry for not being there for you properly over these last few years; I had convinced myself that you didn't care anything about me anymore, but I should have checked on you and I'm sorry for that, I really-"

"No Liv don't apologize; this is all on me." I interrupted her. She squeezed my hand, swallowing as she looked at me yet again.

"Still, I am sorry – for everything," she shrugged before continuing; "Elliot, twelve years – despite our moments – we had some great times. Nobody made me laugh the way you did, or saw through me like you, or made the shittiest situations turn into some of my best memories like you did. You have well and truly been a valuable part of my life, Elliot; and I never want to forget the past."

She paused, eyeing me as she bit her lip. She then breathed out, before speaking yet again;

"I have wondered about this moment for the last seven years; would I slap you? Would I hug you? I just always wondered what I would do if I saw you again; I suppose I already did the first part though?" a single chuckle escaped from her lips, and it's music to my ears; "We talked El, and we got everything out of the way, and I feel like there's just only way to go from here."

She clasped her other hand around mine; my heart leapt into my throat.

"Starting over implies that you erase the past and start fresh with the person, but I don't want to do that; I want to continue where we left off and make new memories. The universe just put us on pause for a second, but we're together and we can pick up on our friendship – and just, make new memories."

The words were music to my ears. This was something I had wanted to hear from her. I wanted to hear that she was okay with us being friends again, I wanted to hear that we were okay. I knew it would be a long road to go on, especially picking up where we left off, but I was willing to go through anything if it meant being by her side.

The waitress came over some minutes later to hand us some boxes. We gathered our food into the containers – and I paid for both our orders– before we then made our way out of the establishment together. I smiled at her, eyeing her appearance. We were both lighter and happier now, smiling at each other whilst gazing into each other's eyes once again, something that never changed.

I walked her back to the precinct, stopping outside the steps of the building. I wasn't ready to go inside yet and Olivia understood that. She was just glad to spend a little extra time with me. I knew we still had a lot to catch up on within each other's lives, but this was enough for now. Besides, I had to go pick up Eli.

I eyed the woman I hadn't seen in so long. She was stronger than I left her; the confidence oozed from her. She had been through a lot – my mind briefly flashed to the news of hearing that she had been abducted twice by that psychotic serial rapist and killer. Yet, through it all, she fought her way to the top. She was almost like phoenix; no matter how hard things got, she always emerged from the flames; stronger, wiser, and ready to kick someone's ass. I spotted the shiny piece of tin attached to her hip; I found myself nodding my head and smiling. I always knew she would make it to the top and be the boss one day; she always had it in her.

"I'm proud of you _Lieutenant,_ " I winked, putting emphasis on the word. "Erm, hey – Eli has a soccer game this weekend, and uh…if you aren't busy, maybe you can meet me there?"

A smile came across her lips and she nodded her head. I nodded, holding out my phone for her to put her contact information in. She did just that whilst talking again;

"It's a good idea; I'll ask Noah if he's up for it."

I froze for a second. Noah – who was Noah? Was I too late and now she was with someone?

She let out a laugh; she was staring at me as she handed my phone back. She shook her head as if she knew what I was thinking, speaking through her laughter; "My son; he's five – adopted him when he was a baby."

"Oh," I breathed out, "Wow though; I look forward to meeting him."

"He'd like to meet you too; he knows about you – I still have a picture of me and you up in my apartment," she shrugged before looking up at the building, "Well, I better get back up there, but text me; I'll answer unlike some people I know." I opened my mouth but smirked when she burst out laughing; I had missed this woman and her jokes.

She then took me by surprise. She wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me as tight as she possibly could. I closed my eyes, breathing in the calming scent of her perfume as I snaked my arms around her waist. For the first time in a long time, I felt whole yet again. I had always felt whole with her, and for the last seven years, it felt like something was missing. Now, with her hugging me, I was whole again – and it was the best feeling.

"This was the other thing I wanted to do," she mumbled, nuzzling her head against my shoulder, "The slap was because I was angry, but this hug – because I missed you; I missed you so fucking much, Elliot."

"I missed you even more, Liv; more than you'll ever know," I placed a delicate kiss onto the crown of her head, before letting go of her, swiping my hand down her back before letting go, "Go back to saving lives, Lieutenant Benson." I gave her a wink; she squeezed my bicep before walking up the steps of the building. I watched until she made her way inside, before turning around to walk back off in the direction of Eli's school to pick him up.

I guess year seven was the lucky year. I got my best friend back, but I was hoping that in time, there would be more. Maybe I could finally have what I always wanted; to be happy and have my best friend – the love of my life – as mine to love and to hold…forever.

* * *

 ** _Well, this is the actual end of this little two-shot story. I hope you all enjoyed this - thank you for the support. Until next time... xoxo_**


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